Follow Your Lead
by legscheas
Summary: That awkward moment when you realize you're in love with your best friend. Then the even more awkward moment when you wake up realizing you just slept with him. And all the awkward moments that follow. James/OC/Kendall. Not slash.


**A/N: **Hey! So just a warning, this story is incredibly long, it wasn't supposed to be but it just kind of came out that way. It's special for a friend of mine on tumblr **Slapapharoh** :] I hope she likes it!

* * *

><p><em>Follow Your Lead<em>

Heather was immune to this. To the sound of that generic high pitched laughter of girls, forced out when they laughed at a joke that really wasn't that funny because they wanted the boy to like them. In this case, that boy was James. Not just any James, James Diamond. He was the "it" boy around town. That perfectly quaffed silky brunette hair that always fell so lovely just above his eyes only long enough to cover his shaped and arched brows sat atop the head of a boy with a face chipped from a block of perfection. Hazel eyes surrounded by long, dark lashes, always in search of something new to catch his attention. In this town, however, there wasn't much. He had this face; molded by the hands of God, chiseled from marble, like a statue that belonged standing, being admired in all of those ancient cities in Europe. How Heather was best friends with him was a mystery to all it seemed, except for James. James always said it was because she made him smile and laugh. He said that he loved her.

Heather loved James, too. As friends, strictly, of course. She didn't dream about him kissing her, or holding her hand. She didn't wish death upon every single girl who tried to catch his attention. Nope, not at all. It was why Heather was immune to this.

James sat a few feet away with this tall blonde girl, very pretty, almost like a Barbie. She was the one laughing at whatever he had said. Her blonde head was tossed back, mouth open, she was over doing it. Heather hoped she choked on a fly. It would suit her for being so fake. Her boobs were like the size of Heather's head, no way those were real. But they were probably the only reason James was still over there talking to her.

"That is so ridiculous," she said, shaking her head with disgust.

"What?" Carlos asked, "James and that girl?"

She nodded.

"Come on." Logan nudged Heather's elbow. "How long have you known James? That's who he is."

"James?" She said, "No, I was talking about that girl, has she no shame?"

"What do you mean?" Carlos cocked his head to the side looking over at the pair.

"Her boobs! They're like basketballs! She's shoving them in his face! It's the only reason that he's still over there."

Both Carlos and Logan laughed. Heather continued to glare at the girl. Seriously, why did boobs even need to be that big? Heather wasn't lacking in the boob department, wearing a respectful C cup, she might even make it to D one day. But this girl made Heather's boobs look like mosquito bites. Which was so not cool.

"I think someone is jealous." Logan grinned to Carlos.

Heather rolled her eyes. "Please."

"Come on." Carlos shared Logan's grin. "It's perfectly okay to have a crush on your best friend, everyone goes through that phase. Besides, James is a handsome guy, it'd be weird if you didn't like him. You'd have to be lesbian or something, which, from your fling with that guy last summer, we all know you aren't."

"Hey Carlos," Heather said sweetly to her friend, batting her eyelashes a few times.

"Hmm?"

"Shut the fuck up."

Logan and Carlos began to laugh again while Heather shook her head in disappointment at the two boys on either side of her. Heather did not like James. And that thing with the guy was supposed to be a secret but Carlos and his big ass mouth had probably told everyone, including James. She'd told Carlos and Logan in confidentiality, because she didn't want James to know. He'd been gone that summer in California, visiting some distant relatives that threatened to steal him away from Heather with the sun, sand and surf, not to mention the girls. But James couldn't leave Heather, at least not yet. They were a team, they depended on each other. She was like his other half. James wouldn't be able to survive without Heather, he was still such a baby and so irresponsible.

He'd forget his own head if it weren't attached.

"Don't worry, your darling Jamesie still doesn't know about that." Carlos reassured her, but it didn't make her feel any better. That guy last summer was such a mistake. Total douchebag material, she didn't even really know why she gave him the time of day. Oh right, because he looked like James and she missed him. Being deprived of his face for several weeks was why. She'd only meant to be friends with him really, then he called her gorgeous, said he liked her glasses and things went downhill from there.

"So do you?" Logan asked.

"Do I what?" She had her eyes fixated on that stupid blonde bimbo, imaging herself strangling her, killing her in the most violent of ways. Suffocating her with her own breasts.

"Have a crush on James."

Heather scoffed, "I don't. I so don't."

"That sounds like denial," Carlos chimed in.

"Well, it isn't," She defended still shooting daggers in their direction.

"You don't have to deny it," Carlos continued to antagonize, "James is a good looking guy. Fun, charming and a little bit dangerous; considering his playboy ways."

"If he's so great why don't you date him?" She shot back at him.

"Hey, I just might," He joked.

"Oh, hey, great," Logan said, "Carlos and James can date now. So hey buddy, is it cool if I hook up with Steph?" He was referring to Carlos's new girlfriend. A pretty girl with tan skin, great hair, seductive eyes and a flare for horror movies. How Carlos managed to scoop her up was beyond them.

"Fuck you." Carlos said with dark eyes. He was so in love with her. Carlos would fight to the death to defend Stephanie. It was rather cute how loyal he was, like a dog. Little Carlitos.

As the two boys bickered with her in the middle she tried to drown them out. She watched James and the blonde, trying to imagine their conversation. What it was like, if anything intelligent was really being said or was James just putting up with her stupidity because she had a great rack? Heather felt no remorse for slamming and judging the girl she'd never met before, especially when the girl put her hand on his thigh. James looked down at it and flashed her this brilliant grin.

Profanities beyond belief began to stream in her mind, words that not even sailors would use. Words that would make her dear old grandmother, retired in Florida, living the good life, drop dead of a heart attack. Damn it James, she thought. The mall was so crowded on this Saturday afternoon, as it always was on the weekends, full of people, full of girls that would kill for his attention. Did he have to pick Holly Madison's prodigy?

A dull ache plagued her chest, and the sting of jealousy began to stir in the pit of her stomach. Maybe she did have a thing for James? Maybe he was more than just her best friend?

"Hey," Kendall greeted. Heather's savior; the one person who could distract her from James and the menacing blonde.

Her eyes lit up and a smile replaced the scowl on her face. Heather jumped up from between her two other friends and threw her arms around the green eyed boy. He welcomed her embrace and wrapped his own arms tightly around her, holding Heather to his chest and gently resting his chin on her head. Heather wasn't a midget but she was on the short side. Carlos liked to stand next to her because while he stood at a meager five six, he still had three inches on her.

When the embrace ended, Kendall kept her by his side, his arm slung over her shoulder with Heather's arm wrapped around his slender waist.

"What's going on?" Kendall smiled down at her.

Heather returned it looking up at him. "Not much."

"We were just listening to Heather complain about James," Logan informed Kendall. Heather narrowed her eyes at the brain and he looked away with a slightly fearful look on his face.

"Where is he?" Heather's savior inquired.

Carlos nodded and pointed behind Kendall. He turned slightly to look and began to shake his head. "James will be James."

"That's what we told her." Carlos peeked around Heather to look over at James and the girl. "Oh, hey, heads up," he said.

Heather and Kendall turned around, still attached at the hip to see a lonely James approaching. He was smirking, looking completely satisfied with himself making Heather feel like dirt beneath his feet. He would never look at her the way he looked at Holly number two. He would always just see her as one of the guys. And maybe that was her own fault, choosing to hang out with them instead of going shopping with her female acquaintances. Maybe it was because she wore tore up, worn out Converse instead of flats or heels. Ripped jeans instead of miniskirts. But maybe it was better that way. If she ever did get the chance to date James, then what if things didn't work out and they ended badly? She would have lost her best friend. So it was better this way. This way she would never have to lose him.

"Hey!" James greeted. Heather just smiled as the boys all greeted him in their own ways. "Hey"s, "what's up?"s. things like that.

"Look at the happy couple." James grinned at Heather and leaned down to kiss her on the cheek like he had a habit of doing.

Heather rolled her eyes but Kendall's arm pulled her closer and he looked down at her once again then said, "I think I could go for that."

Heather traded her Trigonometry book for her English one at her locker. The locker was fairly neat, books lined up orderly, one of Kendall's beanies hung on a small hook at the back of the locker. He'd given it to her when it rained last week and she'd been without an umbrella on a day when she actually took the time to do her hair. Kendall was a sweetheart. She couldn't help but adore him sometimes and she caught herself smiling as she looked at it hanging there. She should probably give it back to him but she liked to see it there.

The door of her locker was decorated like any other teenage girl's locker would be. With pictures of friends and magazine clips. Katy Perry was on there and so was Justin Bieber, for which Carlos gave her endless hell, but hey, she liked him, so screw Carlos. There was a picture of her and her older brother, Kyle, who had ditched Minnesota for college in New York. The picture was from his last visit home. Most of the other pictures were of her and her four best friends; Carlos, Logan, Kendall and of course, last but certainly not least, James. There was this one picture of her and James taken before he left for California that summer. He stood behind her, leaning down with his chin on her shoulder, arms wrapped around her. They were both smiling brightly, the flash of the camera forever capturing the happiness of that moment.

"Hey!"

Heather jumped and slammed her locker shut. James began to laugh and said, "Why are you always so jumpy?"

She glared at her best friend. "So not cool, James. One day you're going to give me a heart attack."

"Nah." He leaned down to kiss her cheek; his customary greeting for his best friend, and put an arm around her shoulder as they began to walk away from the lockers. She held her English text book to her chest and James held his Government book in his other hand. "You're too young."

"That's what you say now, but one day I'll be seventy-four and you'll creep up from behind and scare me to death. Literally."

James laughed again. "Seventy-four is too young. Me and you will be kickin' it at ninety-seven."

Heather felt a smile creeping up on her. "What makes you think I want to be friends with you that long?"

"Well, you stuck it out this long and if you're willing to keep me around till you're seventy-four, then I'll keep coming around till we're ninety-seven. You're stuck with me kid. Me and you, we're a team, together baby, we'll rule the world."

Heather pushed him away playfully. "Is that what you tell all those girls who throw themselves at you? Me and you baby," She mimicked in a deep voice, "we'll rule the world."

James chuckled and pulled her back into him, keeping her there under his wing. "No." he said endearingly, "you are the only one I could bare having by my side while I ruled the world."

"You're such a liar," she said looking away trying to hide her blush from him.

"No, I mean it, you're my best friend."

And there it was, the dagger to the heart, she should have known it was coming, the label of best friend, she would wear it forever, a badge of honor, but always longing for something more.

"You're my best friend too, James."

He grinned at her and took his index finger to her face, pushing up her glasses gently from where they sat low on her nose and then he leaned in and kissed her cheek.

They went their separate ways, to different classes, different subjects, different tormenters, I mean teachers. Heather sat in that class, listening to all the girls that she was surrounded by, they were talking about her friends and of course they tried to reel her in to get details on all the boys. But she kept her comments to a minimum, especially when they came to James or Kendall. But of course, they were the ones that everyone wanted to know about. Who was James taking to the dance next month? Did he like anyone at the moment? Who was his latest hookup? Was Kendall as strong as he looked? Did he like anyone? What type of girl did he go for? And of course, the million dollar questions, the one she was asked over and over, and over again. Why aren't you dating one of them?

The answer was that Carlos and Logan were like her brothers and Kendall, well, Heather could see herself with Kendall but he didn't like her that way, at least she didn't think so. So there was no point in getting her hopes up or letting herself like him when she was already doomed to love someone who wouldn't return her feelings. James of course, James would never look at her the way she looked at him. She should just give it up, save herself some heartache but how could she not love him?

She was grateful when class ended because she was bombarded with the same questions by the same girls almost every day. It was tiresome.

James came bounding up to her then.

"Hey," he said, "I hate to do this to you but can you find another ride home today?"

She knew what that meant and she was trying her best not to let it show but her smile faltered. Heather was good at this though, she was immune to it or at least that's what she kept telling herself. So she recomposed quickly and shrugged nonchalantly. "Sure."

"Great," he grinned, "thanks. I'm sorry, I'll make it up to you. I'll take you out for a shake or something."

She nodded in agreement, accepting his terms and watched him run off to find whatever girl it was he was "giving a ride home" today. So Heather walked alone through the crowded school hallways, pushing her way past people, struggling to get to the cafeteria without getting stepped on. She made it of course, eventually, but while everyone else was so happy she felt melancholy. She hated that she felt this way for James. She loved James but she hated that she loved him in a more than friend's way. He held the power in his hands to make her day or break it within a matter of seconds. It sucked.

She found the table where Kendall, Carlos and Logan sat. James was nowhere in sight. He'd probably spend lunch somewhere else; with a different girl, one he wasn't giving a ride home. She was amazed by the power James had over all girls and not just herself. Most of all she was amazed he hadn't contracted an STD yet.

"Heather!" Her other friends greeted her. Stephanie smiled at her from across the table, her head on Carlos's shoulder. Logan barely lifted his eyes from the book before him to acknowledge her and it was Kendall that scooted over to make room for her to sit by him at the table.

He smiled endearingly at her, "Hi."

"Hi Kendall."

"What's wrong?" He asked.

She looked at him skeptically. Did she look like there was something wrong? There was, of course, all because of James but she thought that she had hid it pretty well.

"Nothing," she lied.

Kendall shook his head. "You've got that look in your eyes; like you're concentrating too hard on something. You only get like that when you're bothered."

She looked at him for a long moment. Why did he know that?

"James has revoked my right to the front seat of his car today. I need a ride home," she told him truthfully, though that wasn't the whole truth.

"I can give you one," Kendall offered, "of course my car isn't quite as luxurious as our dear Mr. Diamond's car."

Heather smiled at Kendall. "That's fine with me."

"Cool." Kendall grinned."We should hang out after school today. I'll take you out and we can get shakes."

How funny that James had offered the exact same thing but only after his date with whomever it was. There was nothing wrong with getting two shakes except that it might go straight to her thighs, but who cared? Heather was in need of a comfort shake and who better than to get one with but Kendall?

When school ended, Kendall was waiting by her locker. They smiled at each other and Kendall waited patiently as she traded in one book for another. He reached over her from behind and took his beanie off the hook in the locker.

He smiled and said, "I forgot about this one."

Heather looked up at Kendall, a green plaid shirt, grey beanie on his head; the one held in his hand was black.

"I've been meaning to give it back," she lied. She'd wanted to keep it; hoping that he'd forget about it.

Kendall smiled down at her as he took the beanie in his hands and put it on Heather's head. He adjusted her hair around her shoulders and pushed her bangs from her eyes, sweeping them to the left of her face and adjusting her glasses.

"Keep it." He said, "It looks good on you."

Heather blushed slightly and smiled. "Thanks."

He held out his arm so that she could link hers with his.

"We match now." He told her.

They walked like that to the parking lot, arm in arm, Kendall smiling, being the boy he was. People called out to him, waved to him tried to grasp his attention. James was the it boy, sure, but Kendall was the golden boy. Carlos and Stephanie met up with them in the parking lot.

"Hey guys."

"Hey."

"What are the two of you doing?" Stephanie asked.

"Heather needed a ride," Kendall answered simply.

"Don't you normally get a ride with James?" Carlos's girlfriend directed toward Heather. Heather nodded, "yeah, but he's got other company today."

They all 'oh'-ed knowing exactly what that meant.

"We're going to get milkshakes though," Heather told the other couple, "you guys want to join us?"

Stephanie looked to Carlos and Carlos looked to Kendall, then back at Heather. "Nah, we're good, but we'll see you guys tomorrow."

"All right then," Heather said watching them go, wondering what all the glances were about. She looked to Kendall but he still looked content with her in his arms as they walked to his car.

Kendall had an old silver Toyota and Heather personally wondered how the car still ran. It was beat up, dented, scratched and pretty much the same age as she was. But Kendall loved the piece of crap, he'd bought it for seven hundred dollars off this guy downtown. Heather remembered when he first bought it, how proud he'd been because he'd been working so hard at that damned grocery store for so long and he'd finally saved up enough money to buy a car and pay for his own insurance. It was a big accomplishment, his mom no longer had to get off work to pick him up from hockey practice and he didn't have to walk to people's houses in the freezing winter. Heather had been one of the first people to ride in the car when he bought it.

Across the lot though, she could see James holding open the passenger's side door for a faceless girl, shutting it behind her and climbing into his big black SUV. It was equipped with all of the latest features; GPS, heated seats and a badass sound system. James's parents over compensated for him after the divorce, buying him things he didn't need and throwing money at him when he didn't need it. They just didn't want him to hate them. But James didn't hate anyone; it was something that his parents just didn't know Heather guessed. James still loved both of his parents equally and he chose to live with his mother because she kept the house that he grew up in. It wasn't anything against his father. James had a really big heart, Heather knew that first hand.

Kendall pulled out of the parking spot and into the traffic in the lot to try and get out along with all of the other teenagers rushing to get home or to work. Anywhere other than school. Kendall turned the radio onto some station that claimed to play the, "two thousands and today". An old Justin Timberlake song came on and he began to hum it softly. They ended up stuck behind James's car. Kendall made a comment about James but Heather didn't hear it, she was watching James wait for an opening. He stuck his head out the window slightly and their eyes met when he looked through the driver's side mirror.

Kendall stuck his head out his own window and yelled, "Move your ass, James!"

Heather pulled down the visor and flipped up the flap that covered the mirror. She looked in it, studying the look of Kendall's beanie on her head. She looked like one of those cute skater chicks wearing a gray hoodie and Kendall's black beanie, her auburn hair falling in a sort of cool fashion and her bangs pushed to the side. A stand or two escaping the rest and sitting behind her glasses on her eyelids.

Heather was by no means gorgeous, not like some of the girls that she had seen James with but she was undoubtedly pretty and held a certain charm in the look of her dark brown eyes. She had a pale complexion but then again, in Minnesota, who didn't? She was lucky enough to have escaped the acne gene, only rarely breaking out and never too badly. She had long eyelashes, which resulted in her having to wear her glasses lower. Her mother was trying to talk her into contacts but she wasn't sure. Her glasses were a part of her, who would she be without them? Almost like James. He'd become a part of her. Who would she be without him?

Kendall and Heather sat together in a booth near the back of this little burger joint called 'The Burger Joint', literally. They made burgers but specialized in milkshakes. Heather thought that they should call themselves 'The Milkshake Place' or something a little less lame.

Kendall ordered them two milkshakes, one strawberry, the other chocolate and some waffle fries. They sat quietly for a moment or two before Heather looked up at him and said, "Thanks Kendall."

He shrugged with a smile, meeting her gaze he said, "I like spending time with you."

"I like spending time with you too." Heather kind of blushed as she said it. "You aren't as obnoxious as Carlos."

Kendall chuckled. "True."

"Not quite as practical as Logan either."

He shrugged. "You've got to be able to have a bit of fun here and there."

She smiled. Kendall had his back against the wall, his legs on the seat reclining slightly.

"What about James?" he asked.

"What about him?"

"How am I different from him?"

Heather thought for a moment. How were they different? Well they were very different but how could she explain it? James was like home. Kendall was kind of like a vacation. She loved both of them. Sometimes you need a break from being home, so you take a vacation but in the end, you always go back home because it's the place where you belong. James was her strength. He was the reason for all her warmth. He gave her direction when she was lost, held her when she needed comfort and kept her company when she was lonely. But sometimes, home is overwhelming, everything builds up. Sometimes James overwhelmed Heather. He was too much for her to handle. He would say he loved her and then say she was his best friend. Tell her he wanted to hang out but then go on a date instead. He would make her fall in love with him and then break her heart. And it was likes like those that Kendall, the vacation, came in. He provided a distraction, some good feelings, some nice times, compliments and smiles. Everything that she needed to be Heather again; he helped her clear her head. But then it was back to James.

"Well, I guess," she paused, "you're a bit more real than him."

"Real?"

"You have a way of putting things into perspective. While with James, things tend to get muddled."

That was a good way of explaining it she thought. Kendall spoke with clarity, reality sharp before him. James wasn't like that. With James, things got fuzzy, lines were blurred. It was how she fell in love with him. He blurred the lines between them. Best friends can talk on the phone. They can spend nights on the roof looking up at the stars, hug and sleep over at each other's houses. She and James did all those things but they didn't just talk on the phone, they stayed on the phone for hours. They didn't just spend nights on the roof admiring the stars, they spent those nights hand in hand and bodies close. They hugged but James always kept her close to his chest for longer than he held anyone else. They slept over at each other's houses but they always shared a bed, waking up in each other's arms. (If their mothers knew that, they might die). He treated her like she was more than his friend but then continued to tell her that's all that they were. Things got muddled.

"I can see what you mean by that." Kendall acknowledged staring off into the distance.

Their milkshakes arrived and the topic was changed. Most of the afternoon was spent laughing and getting refills on fires. Heather was on vacation with Kendall. James never meant to but he tended to make her feel insignificant. Kendall, on the other hand, always feel like she was important. With James they could sit and laugh, but he'd get distracted by a pretty girl and she'd never get his full attention back, with Kendall, nothing diverted his attention from Heather. It was nice.

Heather was sucking the last of her milkshake down, trying to get all the whipped cream, making those obnoxious noises with the straw, something that Carlos would do. She took out the straw and licked it clean. Kendall smiled watching her, and then he let out a short laugh.

"What?" she asked.

Kendall leaned across the table and wiped a bit of cream from her face.

She blushed, embarrassed. Normally she didn't get food on her face. She ate and drank like a normal person but it was just these milkshakes; they were so good. She needed every last drop of it.

"Thanks," she mumbled pushing the now offensive glass away from her.

"You're so cute." He told her sweetly looking into her deep brown eyes with the upmost affection. Heather found herself smiling looking into Kendall's emerald eyes. Yes, Kendall made her feel important.

"You have to come with me to this party," James said, reclining on Heather's queen sized bed.

"I don't really do the whole party scene," she replied, folding laundry.

"Come on, you haven't been to one yet this year."

"Because I don't like them."

"But they're fun."

"For you." She turned to put away socks in the top drawer of her dresser.

"They could be for you too." James protested rolling over on her bed.

"I really don't want to get wasted."

"Then be my designated driver."

"I don't have a car."

"I do," James said sitting upright.

Heather dramatically gasped, "You would let me drive your baby?"

He rolled his eyes. "Come on. Don't let me go alone. Keep me from doing something I'll regret."

Heather was supposed to be with James right now. She was supposed to be laughing with him in the front seat of his car, coming up with dozens more inside jokes to add to the countless ones that they already had. They were supposed to be singing along to songs they knew at the top of their lungs. Heather and James were supposed to be having fun together.

But they weren't. Heather was all dressed up with nowhere to go. She and James hadn't actually had a plan to do something but they had a plan to hang out. The pair tended to be spontaneous. It was something they loved about hanging out with each other, no pressure at all. However, it was also a bad thing because spontaneity meant that things were never set in stone. He had bailed on her last minute to go on a date with some girl he met a few days earlier from the high school in the next town over. He apologized, promised her another milkshake even though he'd never taken her out for the first.

She sat on her bed looking at herself in the full length mirror that hung low on her wall. She was wearing her favorite pair of skinny jeans; a sweater that read 'I SF'. James had brought it back from California for her. She'd taken time to do her make up and took a flat iron to her hair, curling the ends so that it looked nice. She wore the heart necklace her grandmother bought her last year for Christmas, the one with the real diamonds and put on her black Uggs which, normally, she never wore. She didn't know why she got all dressed up, it was just James. But these days she was trying to impress him. Judging by the fact that he could just blow her off, it wasn't working.

She sighed and fell back on her bed. What was the point in trying? If all her efforts were futile, wasn't it just time to give up? But it seemed like James sensed it, he had to, because every time she made the decision 'This is it. I'm going to get over him', he turned around and did something that made her heart melt and reminded her of all the reasons that she would probably always love him for.

Her cellphone rang and faster than the speed of lighting she grabbed it, picked it up, ignored the caller ID, just hoping it would be James.

"Hello?" she asked probably too excitedly.

"Heather, hey."

It was Kendall. Her shoulders sagged and she flopped back on to her, disappointment overcoming her. Stupid, idiot James.

"Hi Kendall."

"You sound disappointed," He commented, "expecting someone else?"

"Nah, James just canceled on me so now I've no plans for tonight."

"Oh," He said, "Well, I can change that. Want to go to the movies? My treat."

Kendall had been treating Heather quite a bit lately. She didn't know exactly what it meant but she didn't really want to look into it or over analyze things. She already did that with James. She might just die of depression if she did it with Kendall and interpreted everything wrong. So she never put any thought into the reason he took her out or the compliments he gave her so often. She just accepted them and had her fun with Kendall because he was great fun.

Their conversation didn't last long after that. Kendall got in his car and headed over to Heather's house as she bounded down the stairs, her mood gone from depressed to happy again in the matter of minutes. Maybe she was bipolar.

"Mom," She said, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear as she entered the kitchen. "Kendall and I are going to the movies."

Her mother turned around and said, "I thought you and James-" She paused. Heather felt slightly embarrassed as her mother looked her over.

"You look nice." She commented.

"Um, thanks mom. He should be here in a few minutes."

"Why are you all dressed up?"

Heather shrugged, because it wasn't exactly easy to explain to her mother that she was in love with her best friend. She'd stop letting him sleepover but she'd die if she knew James didn't sleep on the floor when he stayed, anyways.

"I just felt like looking nice," She replied nonchalantly.

"Do you like Kendall?" Her mother asked. "Is that why?"

Heather blushed, her mother was so awkward, always trying to cross that bridge between mother and friend but it just didn't work. She didn't feel comfortable sitting around and talking about boys with her mother. She'd judge, give opinions that Heather didn't want to hear. She could try and be her friend but, in the end, she was her mother and if Heather said something that she disapproved of she would make a comment, reminding her all over again that she was her mother. So when she wanted to talk boys, she talked to Stephanie or she called her brother Kyle's longtime girlfriend Kelsey. Heather already referred to her as her sister-in-law because it would happen one day. Why not embrace the inevitable?

"No, mom," She said, "I don't."

"Honey, you can tell me if you do!"

Heather rolled her eyes. The truth was that Heather wouldn't let herself like Kendall. It'd probably be easier than liking James and if Kendall returned her feelings it'd probably make it easier to get over the brunette beauty, but if he didn't she'd just have twice the heartache that James caused her. It'd be terrible. So no, she didn't like Kendall because she wouldn't let herself like Kendall.

A horn honked outside and Heather silently thanked God for that blonde, green-eyed, hockey playing boy. He always arrived at just the right moments.

"Got to go, mom," Heather said quickly and gave her a peck on the cheek before racing out the door.

She got in the car and said, "Kendall, you are an angel."

He laughed. "Why's that?"

"You always save me from these terrible situations. I seriously would have died if you didn't get here now."

"Your mom again?"

"She's so awkward!"

The two laughed as he drove them to the theaters downtown. She huddled close to the heater trying to get as much warmth as she could. She'd been in such a rush to get out of the house that she'd forgotten her gloves. It was mid-November, the temperatures in Minnesota were rapidly declining.

"I take it your cold," He commented as they got out of the car.

"Just my hands. Forgot my gloves."

Kendall pulled his off finger by finger and handed them over to her.

"But won't you be cold?" she asked concerned.

He scrunched up his nose and said, "Nah, I'm fine."

So she slipped on his gloves, still warm from his hands. They walked slowly together; Kendall with his now bare hands shoved in the pockets of his hoodie and Heather with crossed arms, her now warm arms stuck in her armpits just for some extra heat.

"So what do you want to see?" he asked. Heather could see the clouds of his breath coming out slowly. He was shivering slightly and she felt bad for taking his gloves.

"Kendall, if you're cold-"

"No." He smiled. "I play hockey, I've been on the ice in nothing but a pair of boxers before. I'm good."

Heather felt some affection for him grow in her heart when he looked down at her with pretty green eyes, visible dimples as he smiled sweetly. Kendall was wonderful.

"So," Kendall said flatly, returning his attention to the list of movies, there wasn't much out. "We can watch Kiss Me Again, The Lonely Walrus or Zombies Versus Ninjas 4."

"Zombies versus Ninjas 4," She replied automatically.

Kendall shook his head with a smile and told her, "I think you just might be perfect."

Heather was waiting in line at the snack bar while Kendall used the restroom. Her phone vibrated in her pocket and when she pulled it out she saw that the message was from James.

'_Date was canceled, shakes?' _

Heather stared at the message. She'd never said no to James when he asked to spend time with her even though he did it to her all the time. Maybe it was time to let him know how it felt to be blown off because she couldn't just leave Kendall here. They'd bought the tickets already. Why would she leave Kendall to hang out with James when she knew that she would always be his second choice? With Kendall, she always seemed to come first.

So she wrote back.

'_Can't the movies w. Kendall.'_

Kendall rejoined her then, all smiles, seemingly warmer now that they were inside, excited for the movie. Heather shoved the phone back in her pocket and tried her best to forget about James. But even as they were there in the dark theatre, with blood being splattered across the screen and grotesque images that made her shiver and lean into Kendall and even with his arm around her, James was there in the back of her mind. She could see them laughing together with milkshakes and waffle fries.

Heather watched from the stands as her four best friends and their hockey team ran drills and played a game of scrimmage. Kendall was captain of the team and James was his wing man. When those two were in on the ice it was like they were unstoppable. They were pros in the rink, flying more than skating.

She was awed by them, often staying for practice just to see them. Heather never learned how to ice skate, at least not properly. She wobbled and fell fast. So she avoided it, not wanting to be embarrassed because, come on, who lives in Minnesota and doesn't know to ice skate? It's supposed to be like hardwired into them. However, there was a malfunction in Heather's circuitry when it came to the ice.

The coach ended practice and the boys all huddled up. After a moment's pep talk, they yelled out the name of their team, the Trojans. Yes, how generic. She waited for them to go through the locker room, take off their gear and come find her.

Four sweaty boys soon approached. She stood and smiled at them.

"Give me a hug, Heather!" Carlos exclaimed and tried to throw himself at her. She dodged and was attacked by Logan, caught off guard, he got ahold of her and pulled her into his sweaty, smelly arms.

"Ew!" She pushed him off of her as the other boys laughed. "That was nasty Logan!"

He shrugged. "I've been hanging out with Carlos."

"Oh hey," Carlos said, "I've got a date with Stephanie soon so I need to get home. Logan did you still need a ride?"

Logan nodded and the two boys said goodbye while Heather dodged hugs from both boys. Kendall and James sat down beside her keeping a respective distance, knowing that they didn't smell that wonderful at the moment.

"You guys look good," she complimented.

Kendall grinned. "Thanks. We're going to smash this season. All State champs here we come."

James seconded Kendal and they fist bumped across her.

"So what are you guys doing tonight?" Heather asked casually.

"Not much," James replied, he opened his mouth to speak again but before he got the chance, Kendall was asking her a question.

"Actually, Heather, I was wondering if you wanted to come over and help me out with that essay we have to write for English?"

"Sure."

"Cool."

"Knight! Get over here for a second!" The coach called to Kendall from afar. Reluctantly, Kendall stood and left James and Heather alone.

She looked to her best friend and found him frowning at the ice.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

"I feel like I'm being replaced," he said meeting her gaze with sad eyes.

She quirked a brow. "How?"

"You've been spending so much time with Kendall, lately."

"What's wrong with that?"

"Well, I wanted to take you out for a shake but you've made other plans. Kind of feels like you always have other plans now."

"That's not true. I'm always available to hang out with you." She knocked her shoulder against his.

"But we never do." He replied knocking his knee against hers.

"Because you keep canceling our plans to go on dates," she replied harshly, a little bit of her true feelings coming out.

"Hey, hey." James half smiled but after a silent moment passed between the two he asked, "Do you like him?"

She shook her head slowly. Maybe she did but not the way she liked James and telling him that she liked Kendall would kill whatever minuscule chances that she had with James.

"No," she said, "I just, he likes hanging out with me and he never cancels on me. Besides we have fun together."

"Mm."

"You're always my first choice James," she said quietly, "I'm just not always yours. You can't expect me to sit around and wait for you all the time."

"I don't-"

"Hey." Kendall returned to them. "Heather, are you ready to go?"

For once, Kendall interrupted something that she wished wouldn't have been. She wanted to know what James's response would have been but the meaningful look on his face was gone now and was back to smiling like nothing had been said.

So she followed his lead and smiled up at Kendall.

"Yeah, let's get out of here. Bye James," she said. She tip toed up to kiss his cheek instead of vice versa and then she and Kendall exited the arena, leaving James behind.

Heather always knew she was going to end up at that party with James. She could never tell him no. So she waited for him to come pick her up, again. She looked nice. Her hair was done in curls and make-up applied with her mascara on. Having glasses was basically useless. They had to sit so low on her nose so that her eyelashes wouldn't hit the lens. She was wearing dark washed jeans and that really girly, cute shirt with the sheer material and pocket on the breast that her mom bought for her spontaneously. It was her first time even putting the thing on but she looked nice in it. The heart necklace her grandma had bought her hung around her neck. She was playing with it idly waiting for James; he'd said he'd liked it when she wore it the last time that they hung out along together.

The horn honked outside and with a purse actually on her shoulder, she locked the door behind her. She was home alone tonight; her parents out of town for the next two days. They didn't know she was going to this party of course, and they didn't know James would be coming over after so he didn't have to show up at home wasted.

Cold from the air around her, she shivered when she got in the car but the heater was an instant relief. She rubbed her hands together and smiled at James.

"Hey."

"You look nice," he said.

She turned to look at him just as he went to kiss her cheek. Their lips touched and Heather froze. James lingered for a moment, before he pulled away and smiled embarrassed.

"Sorry."

"S'okay." She managed to get out, but her face was on fire. She couldn't stop the urge to touch her lips. They'd kissed. On accident, but still, they'd kissed. Heather's heart was fluttering in her chest. She closed her eyes for a moment and ran her fingers across her lips slowly. She felt eyes on her; James was watching her with an expressionless face.

She immediately put her hand in her lap and looked out the window. Wonderful, she thought, now he knows. Except it wasn't wonderful. What if things got awkward and he started to avoid her? Heather would die. She couldn't lose James just because of one accidental kiss. She needed him. James was home; the one place she always felt like she belonged. No matter how many times he canceled their plans or ditched her for another girl, when they were alone together, Heather never felt like she belonged anywhere else the way she felt she belonged with James.

They didn't talk much or at all on the way over. Heather didn't even know whose party it was but if James was invited, he could bring anyone he wanted. That someone just happened to be Heather but only as his designated driver. All the other girls he could have taken as dates were probably all invited first hand.

He turned off the car and turned to her. "Heather?"

"Yeah?"

He paused momentarily and then shook his head. "Nothing. Just try and have fun. I know I forced you here but it won't be that bad."

She half smiled down at the dashboard. "Okay."

He placed one hand over hers. "Come on."

She followed him inside; the house was dimly lit with loud music blasting all throughout it. The halls were already crowded with people and it was much warmer than it had been even in James's car. People instantly began to greet James but they looked at her with judgmental eyes. She wasn't supposed to be here, especially not with James. She wanted to leave, just have James call her when he needed to be picked up but it was too late now. She was already there and James had her hand clasped in his. She didn't know when it happened but he was pulling her through the crowd of people.

The kitchen was loud, full of laughter and held more light than the other rooms so that's where James took her.

He grabbed himself a beer and said, "It's time to mingle, come on, let's go."

Did she have any choice? No, not really, James was leading her through the dark halls stopping here and there, introducing Heather and she smiled as best she could, putting on this cool façade like she as supposed to be there, like this was her scene but she'd never felt so out of place. All the girls, despite the cold weather were wearing short dresses and revealing shirts. These were the kind of girls that James liked and Heather just wasn't one of them.

When they stopped and chatted, he introduced Heather but she was soon forgotten, just standing there idly watching James laugh and chug down another beer while girls not so subtly made hints about how much they'd like to spend the rest of their night with him. He would just laugh and smile, shrug it off, as if girls telling him that they wanted to sleep with him was the most normal thing in the world. For him it probably was.

It was overwhelming, that party. The music was too loud and the house too warm from so many bodies huddled so close together in an enclosed space. The smell of beer was inescapable, girls faking their laughter, acting drunk, trying to seduce James and the night had only just begun. Heather really didn't want to be there. She didn't belong there. James was home, she belonged with James but she wasn't with James. Just a third, fourth or fifth wheel and he was dragging her around, only keeping her there with him because he felt bad.

She wondered what Kendall was doing. If he were there he'd pay attention to her. He'd take her out of the make-shift dance floor in the living room like James had done with some girl in a teal dress. He'd refrain from drinking if she wasn't doing it. He'd whisk her away, somewhere where they could actually talk and not scream over the sound of the music. Kendall genuinely enjoyed her company, while sometimes it seemed like James was just putting up with her because he'd known her so long. That hurt especially since they were supposed to be best friends, especially since she was in love with him.

Heather wandered away from the living room dance floor. It was not in her interests to watch James dance dirty and run his hands all over some girl all night long. So like a cliché to find an escape, she went to the bathroom and locked herself in there. She just sat on the edge of the bathtub until someone knocked urgently, threatening to vomit on the floor outside. She was not enjoying herself.

Making her way back to the kitchen, hoping to find some form of water, anything but alcohol, she glanced to the dance floor. James wasn't there anymore. Her chest ached realizing the most obvious reason that he wasn't there anymore. Why did he do this to her? Why did she let him? She found a bottle of water and pushed her way through the crowded halls of that house onto the dark front porch where she sat down in the freezing cold air. It was sharp and too quick of a transition but it was better than inside, anything would be better than in there.

She pulled her knees to her chest and put her face in her hands. She wasn't going to cry, not here, not because of James. What right did she have? They weren't dating. He didn't even know that she liked him. He wasn't that much of an asshole that he would take her there just to throw it in her face.

"Are you all right?"

She looked up and found a boy standing beside her. She hadn't noticed him before. His face was unfamiliar to Heather but he was dressed stylishly, with low jeans, a nice jacket and a fitted cap on with a cigarette hanging from his lips.

"Yeah," she said looking up at him, "Fine."

He sat beside her and blew smoke out the side of his mouth and way from her to be polite. "It's a bit much in there isn't it?"

She nodded slowly. "Yeah, a bit."

"I'm Drew."

"Heather."

He extended his hand to her and shook it gently, his skin was rough. He smiled, Heather returned it feeling semi-self-conscious. Even in the dark she could see he was attractive.

"Nice to meet you." he replied.

"So why aren't you partying it up?" He asked her, putting his cigarette back between his lips and taking a drag.

"Designated driver," Heather answered.

"Oh, nice. Me too."

When Heather actually had to use the bathroom, she left Drew in their hiding place, a coat closet. But before she got there, she ran into James.

"Hey!" He said."Where've you been?"

He wasn't drunk, at least not yet but he was well on his way.

"Enjoying the party," she said sarcastically.

He rolled his eyes, "Hey, why do you smell like smoke?"

"I was out front with this guy, he was smoking."

"Some guy?"

"Yeah, James," she said getting slightly irritated, "I have to pee, let's talk later."

He let her go into the bathroom but when she came out, he was gone. She looked around, worried for a moment or so but she returned to the closest where Drew was waiting for her.

But not an hour later she and Drew were off again; looking for somewhere else to escape. The empty closet they'd found, luckily enough, had been equipped with a light but had been invaded by some lucky couple. All the bedrooms were occupied and the garage was a stage for beer pong.

"We can go sit in my car." Drew offered with a shrug."I've got a heater, and my friend's paying for my gas."

"Yeah, that's cool."

So she and Drew made their way down the stairs and out the front door but halfway down the driveway James called out from behind them.

"Heather!"

Both turned to see him stumbling, obviously drunk, towards her.

"You know him?" Drew asked.

With a deep breath she said, "Yeah, that's my best friend."

"Oh."

"James." She walked over to him. "Go back inside, you don't have your jacket on."

"What are you doing with that guy?" He asked a little loudly. Heather looked back at Drew who shrugged and smiled.

"We're going to talk in his car, the house is too crazy."

James laughed bitterly. "People don't talk in car, people fuck in cars."

Heather blushed embarrassed because he'd said it more than loud enough for Drew to hear. "Why are you doing this?"

"Doing what?"

"Being an ass, go back inside."

"No," he said indignantly, "I will not let you go fuck this stranger in the backseat of his car."

"James! That's not what we were doing."

James pushed past Heather and staggered towards Drew with an accusing finger drawn, pointing at him and jamming his finger into his chest.

"Hey buddy, I don't app-apprec" pause, "appreciate. Appreciate! You trying to take advantage of my best friend."

"James!" Heather exclaimed trying to pull him away but James stood firm.

"Dude," Drew said, "I'm not."

"You're a liar. You fucking bastard!"

"James!" Heather finally pushed him hard enough that he lost his balance and fell over into the grass. He rolled over and began to laugh.

Heather looked to Drew with the most apologetic look she could muster.

"I'm so sorry Drew, I should get him home."

Drew just smiled understandingly. "It's cool Heather, I've been in your shoes, hell I've been in _his_ shoes. You've got my number so drop me a text sometime."

She nodded and knelt down next to James.

"You idiot," she whispered.

"It's cold, Heather," he said looking up into her eyes from the ground.

"Where did you put your jacket?"

"In the garage, I-I think."

"Okay, stay here."

She raced off to get his jacket, and like he said it was in the garage, she had to get it from some drunk chick who was sitting on it, that was fun, but eventually she did get it and when she went back outside, James was still lying in the grass.

"James! What are you doing?" She hissed.

"You told me to stay here."

She groaned. "Of course I did."

She grabbed his hands and tried to pull him up. "Come on James, let's go home, you're drunk. If you thought about me, you wouldn't have even brought me to the party."

"I wanted us to have fun together."

"Did that happen?" She asked bitterly.

"No, because you went off with Drew."

"I wouldn't have had to if you didn't ditch me for the girl in the blue dress."

"We just danced," he said earnestly, still on his side in the seat looking up at her as she drove. He was like a child curled up and his shoes had been kicked off. She'd probably have hell trying to help him put them back on when they got to her house.

"Right," she said.

"We did, I went to find you after the song ended."

He was lying, he had to be, right?

"I couldn't find you," he continued,"I got worried, and then I saw you with Drew."

She didn't say anything. She suddenly felt bad that she'd assumed James had gone off and done the nasty with that chick just because he wasn't on the dance floor anymore.

"Then I got jealous," he said quietly. What reason did he have to be jealous of Drew?

"Then I got drunk," he giggled.

"Please don't be mad at me," he begged, "I don't like it when you're mad at me."

"Fine." She gave in. "I'm not mad anymore."

She saw him grinning like a fool from the corner of her eye and she couldn't help but smile as well. Why had he been jealous of Drew? She wasn't doing anything with him and more importantly, James didn't like her that way.

James placed his hand on her thigh and she gasped slightly from the unexpected contact. His hand was higher up than it should be and she wasn't used to being touched so intimately. At least not since the summer time when she'd been with James's look alike. She was so petty; she hated to think about how pathetic she had been, so desperate for James, missing him so much that she would allow herself to be with someone who vaguely reminded her of him.

"James," she said, "what are you doing?"

"Do you love me?" he asked.

She took a shallow breath. "Of course I love you, James."

"No," he said moving his hand further up.

_Driving, you're driving._

She told herself repeatedly.

"Do you love me, not like best friends, do you really, actually love me?" he continued.

Was there harm in telling him the real answer to that question? He probably wouldn't even remember it in the morning.

She shouldn't do it. "Yes. I do."

James unhooked his seat belt and leaned over the middle divider and kissed the corner of her mouth. He planted gentle butterfly kisses down her jawline before moving down her neck and kissing her more seriously. Sucking on her neck, biting it softly.

"James," she managed, "I'm driving."

He ignored her kissing her mouth again, his hands moving further up from her thigh to the button her on her jeans.

"James."

"Heather," he said huskily.

There was nothing she could do but try her best to focus on the road. She was almost home free, turning into her neighborhood when James stopped torturing her with his mouth on her neck and his hands threatening to dip into her jeans. He'd already unbuttoned them. He climbed clumsily into the backseat.

Heather was trying her best to breathe and focus on the road at the same time but she was distracted by the thought, the realization, that James had undoubtedly left hickeys on her neck. Come Monday, and unless she found some really good make-up then her mother, her father and all of her friends would see them.

She parked and had never been so relieved to do so. James leaned forward from the back seat and ran his fingers through her hair, pushing it to the side so that he could kiss her neck again.

"James," she said, "we're here. Let's go in."

"No," he whispered softly in her hear, his breath tickling her neck, sending shivers down her spine. "Come here."

She turned to face him and he put one hand on her cheek. He kissed her lips head on, this time it was definitely deliberate unlike earlier that night. He nibbled on her lower lip, asking for entrance and who was she to deny him? This was wrong, it was bad. James didn't know what he was doing. Heather did, she could put a stop to this, she could make him see but she didn't want to. She wanted James.

Awkwardly she climbed into the back seat as well. Together they sat there in the dark, only a few streaks of light from the streetlamp made it into the car. He held her face in his hands, looking into her eyes; slowly he leaned in again, kissing her once more. Gently, holding her face sweetly. She ran her fingers through his hair like a scene from a movie, something she'd always wanted to do. James smiled as he kissed Heather and leaned her back on to the seat.

What was she doing? It was such a bad idea. She and James were just friends, best friends. What if he woke up in the morning and didn't remember? Or worse, what if he woke up and regretted it? But she couldn't bring herself to stop it. She'd never felt this before, such a desire. It was this ravenous hunger and unquenchable thirst. Kissing James felt like how she imagined first time drug users. All pleasure, none of the pain that came after the high faded, none of the regret for ever using in the first place. And maybe, just maybe, James did know what he was doing. Maybe he really did want her like this and she'd been too blind and ignorant to see it. Maybe she would wake up in the morning and he'd be there with coffee and donuts like he would be if it were some cliché movie.

One hand snaked its way up her shirt and she shivered at his touch, it wasn't cold just intimate. He leaned over her and pulled back for a moment, just looking down into her eyes. She could barely make out his face and she wished she could see it clearly. The look in his eyes, his flushed cheeks and she could imagine it all but she wished she could see him looking down at her with dark, lust filled eyes. Want and desire same as hers, clear as day.

He touched his lips to hers again and whispered against them.

"I love you Heather." Drunken words were sober thoughts, right?

She blinked her eyes open slowly; she was in her room, in her bed, warm and covered by a mountain of blankets. She lie there for a moment under the blankets, staring up at the ceiling, mind blank. And then she realized she was naked under the covers. It all hit her. Last night, she and James. Holy shit. She sat up with the sheet around her, clutching it to her chest. When she looked to her right though, the bed was empty. James wasn't in it with her.

So then where was he? He wouldn't just leave her. He wouldn't treat her like some random one night stand. She was his best friend; he cared for her too much to do that. Didn't he? Hadn't he said that he loved her last night?

She got out of bed, slipped into some pants and threw on a sweater. She checked every room in her house, looked for him everywhere but he wasn't around and when she peeked out the kitchen window to the driveway, his car was gone. But he was coming back. She knew he was, he wouldn't do something like that to her, no way.

So she waited for him, all day, her phone by her side, sitting alone in her room in the silence as she slowly began to realize the reality of things. It was seven o'clock at night. He hadn't come back, he hadn't even called her. And she knew now, last night was a mistake, he regretted it. Drunken words were just drunken words. He didn't love her and she'd been foolish enough to let him take advantage of her.

It hurt like nothing else had hurt before. It was hard for her to breathe, her chest was tight and her stomach was sit, her eyes stung with tears. Heather curled up on her bed and she cried. She had every right too. Her best friend had used her and lied to her. Those were the things that hurt the most, more than realizing last night was a mistake, more than realizing that he regretted it. James wasn't as good of a friend as she thought he was.

Heather had skipped out on school Monday, her parents hadn't been home to force her to go but when Tuesday rolled around she had no choice but to get up and go though she sincerely didn't want to. She'd spent all of Monday in bed, staring up at the ceiling, rethinking every moment she ever spent with James and regretting them. Regretting each smile she gave him, regretting admitting that she loved him, regretted ever loving him and crying most of the day. She had the right too. He was a jackass, she decided.

She was thankful for Kendall's beanie, seeing as she was running late, feeling very lethargic, hoping and praying that she would miss her bus. But her mother was rushing her out the door. She with Jeans,and a hoodie, she was pushed out the door. She pulled all of her hair to the left and braided it, not caring how it looked at all, just pulling Kendall's beanie down over it. She was moping and she every right to be.

She didn't miss her bus. Sadly she got on it right when she was supposed to. All of her lollygagging around the house hadn't helped at all. A few kids she knew said hello, asked where she had been.

"I wasn't feeling well." She had replied and it wasn't a lie. She hadn't been feeling well. James made her feel like shit.

Getting off the bus, she skipped the parking lot where she knew James, Kendall, Carlos and Logan would be. They would all be expecting her. Except for James, he probably was hoping she'd stay away. Well she'd give him what he wanted. She'd stay away, avoid him at all costs.

She went straight to her locker, grabbed her books and headed to her first period. She'd sit there in class until school started, acting like she was studying. That way she could avoid all of the boys, at least until her next class which she shared with Carlos and Logan.

When they saw her, they greeted her and asked where she'd been the day before. She'd forced smiles and gave the same response she'd given the other's who'd asked. They accepted it easily enough, Heather was a better actress than she gave herself credit for because as obnoxious and oblivious as the two could be, they always showed concern when they thought something was wrong.

She listened to them chat and eventually fight because that was all they ever did. She tried her best to seem normal, to act fine, but it was hard because all she wanted to do was run home and get far, far away from James. She didn't want to see him.

And she avoided him well, until lunch time, when she entered the cafeteria and saw him sitting at their table. It wasn't a usual sight, normally he spent lunch with a girl or went off campus somewhere, but no, there he was. Her heart began to pound and she felt sick. She needed to get out before anyone saw her but it was too late. Logan threw an arm around her shoulder and escorted her to the table. Why was he there? Was he going to apologize? Did he want to talk to her? Was James going to try and fix things? As pathetic as it was, she knew that if he just apologized for leaving that she would forgive him and let things go back to the way they were. She still loved James.

She sat down at the table carefully, keeping her eyes low. She didn't want to look up, her chest was tight, and there was a lump in her throat already. She just wanted to leave. She wanted to get away from him.

"Hey Heather!" Kendall smiled. "We missed you yesterday."

"I wasn't feeling well." She struggled to get out with her voice cracking. She gave him a half smile, and then, against her will, she glanced to James. His big hazel eyes, encompassed by those mesmerizing lashes were staring directly at her. His face blank but then he smiled brightly at her and it hurt all over again.

"Hey," he said, "glad you're feeling better."

He looked back to his food and continued to eat. She sat there in shock. That was it? He was going to act like nothing happened? He could look her straight in the eye and pretend that it wasn't real? She sat there for a few minutes, drowning in disbelief. How could he do this to her?

The want to get away was no longer a want, it was a need. She stood from the table and ran from the cafeteria, just in time to escape the possibility of someone witnessing her tears. She ducked around a corner and slumped against the wall, letting herself sink to the ground. Her knees pulled up to her chest, her head in her hands. It was so cold outside but she couldn't be in there. It was too overwhelming. How could James just act like nothing happened? She hated him. How could he, no, why would he do this to her?

"Heather?"

Kendall sat down beside her. "Heather, what's wrong?"

She sniffed and tried to stop crying as best as she could. "Nothing, Kendall, I'm fine."

"Like hell you are."

She shook her head. "Just leave it alone, Kendall."

He moved closer to her and put an arm around her.

"No," he whispered, "I care about you, what's wrong?"

"Can we not talk about it?" she asked. "Can you just sit here with me for a few minutes?"

He looked deep into her eyes and said, "Yeah, as long as you'd like."

She leaned into him and sobbed softly in his arms. She was thankful for Kendall.

They were still out there when the bell rang, signaling for lunch to end. Kendall helped her to her feet and pulled her in for a hug, just holding her there to his chest gently making her feel like he always did, like she mattered. She saw James come out of the cafeteria, he stood there, just looking at her and Kendall in the embrace, he knew. James knew that it was his fault, knew that he was the reason she was crying but he made no move towards them. He just stood and looked at them.

"Come on," Kendall said, "let's go."

Kendall took her glasses off of her face and cleaned them with his shirt and then placed them gently back on her nose.

They passed James and Heather didn't dare look at him. Kendall led her to the parking lot and they got in his car and drove away.

"Don't you have practice today?" she asked, her tears had finally stopped falling.

Kendall shrugged. "They can do without me today."

"You sure?"

He nodded.

"Thanks Kendall."

"You," he said, pausing, searching for the right words to say. "You don't have to tell me what's wrong, I just want you to be okay. So you know whatever that takes, just let me know."

She smiled for the first time in the past few days."You're sweet, Kendall."

He half smiled, still looking out through the windshield, eyes focused on the road. He didn't take her home, they just drove around for a while. Ended up in the next town over and drove around through there. They didn't talk much, Kendall didn't push the subject and Heather was glad for that. She stared out through her own window, looking at everything and trying to think about anything but James.

"Let's go somewhere," Kendall said after a while.

"Where?"

He smiled, at her while they stopped at a red light. "One of my favorite places."

They stopped by his house, Heather stayed in the car while he ran inside to grab some things. She didn't notice him come out, just heard him get back in the car. She didn't ask where they were going, just let him chauffeur her around. He was smiling as he drove, seemingly confident that whatever they were about to do or wherever they were about to go would cheer her up.

They left town again but this time didn't enter another one. They drove out a ways until there wasn't much but trees around them. Kendall pulled off the paved road onto a dirt one and continued to drive a little bit more before they reached a clearing.

He parked and turned off the car. "Come on."

She got out of the car and before them was a frozen pond.

"What are we doing here?" She asked shivering.

Kendall came around the back of the car, trunk popped open, he reached inside and handed her one of his jackets. "Put this on."

She did as she was told but it didn't help much. He also handed her a pair of gloves, the same ones he'd leant her the night they went to the movies. Then Kendall pulled out a pair of ice skates. She stared at them blankly. They were going to ice skate, on a frozen pond, in the middle of nowhere.

"Kendall," she said, "I'm not very good at ice skating."

"Well," he replied pulling his own pair out, "I'm a pro. I can teach you."

They sat on the trunk of his car trying to put the skates on as fast as they could so their feet wouldn't freeze. Kendall finished first, after all, as he said, he was a pro but when he finished he helped Heather with the laces on hers.

"They're my mom's," he told her, "she hasn't used them in years though."

He helped her keep her balance as they wobbled over to the ice from the dirt and snow where the car was parked. Kendall got on and stood with ease, it was his domain, being on the ice was like something he was born to do. He held Heather steady as she took that first uneasy step onto the ice.

"Is this even going to hold us?"

Kendall grinned. "I hope so."

"Here, I'm going to let go, all right?" He slowly let go of her hand and eased himself backwards.

"Kendall!" she exclaimed, "I'm going to die! I don't know how to do this!"

"What do you mean you don't know how?"

"I mean, I don't know how! I'm going to fall and the ice is going to break and then we're going to get hypothermia and I might be depressed but I'm not ready to die yet!" She shouted frantically as he skated farther away from her.

"I need a helmet and pillows to pad the falls, oh God, Kendall, come on!" She continued frantically. He laughed and skated in circles around her.

"It's easy, Heather, just relax." He took hold of her hand and pulled her forward slightly.

"Kendall, Kendall, Kendall, don't let go!"

He chuckled and pulled her into his arms, held her steady and put his chin atop her head. "Calm down, I've got you."

He was trying his best not to laugh at her once he began to teach her the simple techniques of ice skating. Like roller blading, just move your feet forward; take strides like you're running. But Heather could barely move without falling, she'd down it three times now. He'd only asked her to try three times.

"Okay." He took her hand, "let's go slow, just follow me, keep your feet on the ice and just gently move them, glide."

It was working, she was moving with him and then it wasn't working and she was wobbling and falling with Kendall's hand still grasped in her own. She tried to steady herself and keep herself from falling but all she did was pull down on his arm harshly and before she knew it, she was on the ice again and Kendall was on it next to her.

He laughed, a loud bellow that seemed to echo. All that he'd been holding back since they started erupting from his chest. Heather didn't think it was funny but Kendall just kept laughing and the sight of him on the ground head tossed back, eyes squeezed shut, cackling like a fool was funny. So, she began to laugh with him and they were a tangled heap on the ice, laughing together in the freezing cold air but they felt warm.

"I'm inept," she told him as they lie on the ice.

"You aren't." He assured.

Kendall helped her to her feet once again and this time with Kendall's hand holding hers she felt a bit more confident. She took that first step and went gliding with him across the ice. Soon, he let go of her hand she followed him across the ice, not nearly as professionally as him but mighty well for an amateur.

As the sun began to set behind the trees, they put their regular shoes back on and got in the car. This time as they drove, it wasn't silent and depressing. She was bubbly with Kendall and they laughed the entire way back into town.

He pulled up in front of her house and got out of the car with her. The porch light was on and she could see her mother's silhouette moving around in the kitchen behind the shades. They stood there by his car for a moment quietly with Kendall looking down at her, Heather looking down at the muddy ice between her feet. She was trying not to focus on how cold it was outside of Kendall's heated car.

"Today was fun," she said finally and looked up at him. "Thanks, I really needed to be cheered up."

"I really like you, Heather," he said a little too quickly after she finished her sentence. She stared up at him with wide eyes. Kendall laughed awkwardly.

"Well, I mean, yeah I do. As a friend, but as more than a friend too."

"Kendall-"

"Just listen to me, okay? I know," he said, "I know you like James, it's obvious when the person you like looks at someone else the same way you look at them. And I don't know what happened to make you so upset but I genuinely care about you Heather. I hate to see you sad and when I'm with you, the world feels like a better place. I love to see you smile."

He put a hand to her cheek gently and said, "I'm not James but I want to be with you. I do. I know that you have fun with me, I know you're happy around me and hey, what more do you need? So I'm asking, please, just give me a chance, Heather."

She was speechless. She'd been so caught up in liking James and forcing herself not to look at Kendall that way because she thought he might break her heart too but he'd wanted to be with her all along. She looked up into his green eyes and thought about all the times that he'd been there for her when James wasn't. All the time he'd been the shoulder for her to cry on because James wasn't around.

Kendall deserved a chance.

"Okay," she said.

His eyes widened, "Really?"

She nodded. He smiled wide and his dimples deepened. "Can I kiss you then?"

She blushed, no one had ever asked before. So she looked down and nodded shyly. He put his thumb on her chin and tilted her face up to look him in the eyes, he leaned down slow and pressed his lips against her sweetly.

When she got into her room, she flopped down on her bed. What was she doing? This was all going to be too much for her. A boyfriend while trying to get over the heartache that James was causing her?

"Heather." Her mother knocked, "James came over earlier but you weren't around. He asked you to give him a call."

"Okay!"

She sighed, James had come by? What if he'd wanted to apologize? What if he'd wanted to tell her he really did love her? Now she was with Kendall but the latter was highly unlikely. If James really did love her, he would have come back that morning. He wouldn't have left in the first place. It was too late for him now. He could apologize and she would accept it but she didn't want to love him anymore. She didn't want him to occupy her each and every thought. She didn't want him to hold her heart in his hands. It was time for Kendall to have his turn.

In the end though, she'd have to deal with James. Because James was home. She belonged with James, right? People made mistakes; she and James made one but that didn't mean that they should throw away the years of their friendship right? So she and James would be friends. If he decided to apologize. Kendall would provide a good distraction. Kendall was a vacation and she seriously needed one from James.

Kendall picked her up for school the next morning and gave her a chaste peck on the lips as his greeting; he smiled brighter than she'd ever seen him before. Heather was a bit a amazed that she could make him so happy. She never really thought that she was important enough to make a huge difference to someone. But apparently she was wrong, Kendall had always made her feel important, like she was a top priority in his life and apparently she was. It was odd to know that someone truly wanted you, all of you just for who you were. It was odd but wonderful at the same time. She felt embarrassed when he constantly stared at her. She blushed when he said she was beautiful. They were words that people threw around all the time but when he said them, Kendall really made her feel like she was.

They got out of the car together and Kendall placed his hands on her haps and looked own into her eyes. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"This chance." He leaned down and kissed her lips.

She smiled and let him take her hand but on the inside, she was wondering what James would think of this. Would he even be bothered? But then she tried to shake the thought, James wasn't important like that anymore.

James wouldn't be jealous of Kendall. James obviously didn't care. And even if he did, Heather was done playing second fiddle to every other girl in the world when it came to James. Someone finally wanted to put her first, who wouldn't cancel their plans go on dates. Someone who thought she was worth something, who felt she was special and it just so happened to be that the person was Kendall. Tall, blond, pretty green-eyed, hockey captain and an exceptionally good friend.

They were the talk of the school from the moment they walked on campus hand in hand. Everyone stared, began to whisper. They all thought something like this was bound to happen. Heather felt like she should have seen it coming as well.

Carlos and Logan's jaw dropped when they saw the couple. Stephanie cheerily wrapped her arms around Heather and whispered in her ear.

"It's about time. He's liked you forever!"

Wow, had everyone seen it but Heather?

"James is so not going believe this," Carlos said shaking his head.

"Does he know?" Logan asked Heather, she shook her head and looked to Kendall.

"I didn't tell him," she said.

"Neither did I," added Kendall.

"Wow, he'll be so surprised." Logan grinned. "We've all been waiting for this to happen. Just so you know Heather, Kendall never stops whining about-"

Kendall punched him hard in the arm. "Shut up, Logie."

Logan grinned sheepishly and rubbed his arm. "Ow."

Kendall walked her to class and once she was alone, all the girls that continually asked questions about the boys she was friends with. They wanted all the details of how this happened. So she shortened the story.

"I had a bad day so he took me ice skating and asked me out."

The girls squealed and asked for more and more details but this wasn't something that Heather was used to her. Her best friends were boys, they didn't exactly want to hear about crushes all the time especially since her only real crush had been on James for the last few years. But now she was with Kendall, she had definitely not anticipated this.

James was waiting at her locker. She wanted to turn around and go in the opposite direction but he'd already spotted her so she continued, trying her best to seem like everything was okay.

"Hey," she said.

"You're dating Kendall?" The first words out of his mouth to her were not just curious, they were harsh, as if he was mad about it.

She shrugged. "Well, yeah, he asked me out. It's not like I'm with anyone else."

"You told me you didn't like him."

"Well, maybe I lied. Everyone does it," she said pointedly and was quite aware that she sounded like a bitch. What happened to the whole if James apologizes, forgive him thing?

"What are you doing, Heather?" He said quietly. "Why are you being like this?"

Did he really not know the answer to that question? She didn't answer, she just stopped. Staring at the ragged binding of her English book, worn out and torn up from so many years of use. She felt a little bit like that, she couldn't take anymore of James's abuse. He was dragging her around, breaking her apart.

"Are you just going to act like it never happened?" His voice got lower and he stood closer to her. She closed her eyes, heart rate rising. He couldn't do this to her.

"I'm just following your lead," she said quietly, afraid that if she said it any louder her voice might crack and he'd see how close she was to crying again.

"Following my lead? What are you talking about?"

She shut her locker and turned to face him, her face hardened, she needed to be strong; she needed him to see that she wasn't going to let him have control of her anymore. "You're the one that left."

"Heather-"

"You left, and you didn't come back. You didn't call me, you didn't even have enough courtesy to send me a fucking text message." Her voice got quieter as she said the last part. "Anything, anything would have been better than that. If you regretted it, I would have rather you just told me, not leave me wondering what the fuck I did wrong. Okay James?"

"I'm sorry."

She looked away from him; she couldn't bear the look in his eyes.

"Great." She replied, "Let's be friends, go back to the way things were because you obviously didn't want things to change."

"Heather, I-"

The school bell rang, and she looked back up at him. "I have to go James."

She walked away but when she rounded the corner, she found the nearest bathroom, locked herself in a stall and hated herself for still caring about him. It wasn't fair, not to her, not to James, he didn't deserve to have her love and especially not to Kendall.

She pulled herself together and went out to face the world again, like nothing was wrong. She could do this. She could follow his lead and act like nothing was wrong, act like nothing had happened. It was what he wanted right?

Kendall found her at lunch and wrapped his arm around her waist and like a gentleman carried her books, he opened doors for her and doing so many things that she never thought a boy would do for her.

James joined them at lunch. Heather didn't think he would, he rarely did and after they talked she thought he'd want to be away from her but he sat down right across from her and smiled at everyone.

"Kendall, when did this happen? I thought you were going to ask me for tips, bro?"

Kendall laughed and put his arm around Heather. "Nah, we just had to go ice skating, easier to make my moves on the ice."

"Ice skating? But you don't ice skate." James looked to Heather.

She shrugged. "Kendall's a good teacher."

"It wasn't easy, of course." Kendall knocked her playfully, she forced a laugh and pushed him slightly.

"Don't be mean, and besides, I gave you fair warning."

"She ruined my perfect record, I hope you all know." Kendall glanced around. "I fell on the ice for the first time."

Carlos and Logan gasped and then laughed but James just looked at Heather. Blank face but there was something in his eyes that Heather couldn't read. So she looked away, anywhere but at him.

"Winter Formal," Kendall said leaning forward on the table, "is coming up."

Heather took another waffle fry and bit into it.

"Is it?" She asked smugly knowing what was coming next.

Three weeks now. It had been three weeks since she and Kendall started dating. And in those three weeks, she had been reasonably happy. Whenever she was with Kendall things were good. She would laugh, she could have fun but when he wasn't around James was all she thought about. She hated it, it wasn't fair to Kendall because he hadn't lied when he said he genuinely cared about her, he really did. He treated her well and made her smile. What more could she ask for?

But instead of being thankful for him and trying her best to learn to love him, she was thinking about James, wishing things were different. That it wasn't a façade they put on every day and that he smiled at her from across the room instead of giving her that blank stare, looking like he wanted to say something but couldn't. She wished that he would come up from behind, throw an arm around her shoulder and kiss her cheek the way he used to. But most of all she wished that she would stop reliving that night over and over. When he was on her mind and she closed her eyes, it was like a movie on her eyelids. James leaning over her, their bodies touching, his hands finding their way in the dark, his lips leaving marks up and down her neck. It gave her shivers, and sometimes while he was right in front of her she found herself wanting again. But she didn't want to want him.

"I was," Kendall looked around The Burger Joint then raised a brow. "Wondering if maybe…"

"Yes?"

"You want to go with me?"

Heather grinned. "Why Kendall, of course I'll go to the dance with you!" She said in sugary sweet high pitched tone of voice.

He laughed. "Hey, be nice."

"I assume you're going to the dance with Kendall," James said quietly, walking beside her to class. It was a rare thing but he'd been at her locker during passing periods, almost just like old times, except James wasn't James anymore and Heather wasn't herself either, at least not around him. She put up a wall and James just seemed kind of lifeless. She didn't like to see him without a smile but things were different now. James wasn't the only one to blame. Heather had been the sober one, she could have stopped him. They were pretty equal she figured, her mistake for even letting things go that far but he'd hurt her more than she'd ever been hurt before. It felt like a physical infliction of pain, she couldn't breathe, like a knife in the chest.

"Yeah."

She looked up at him; he nodded and stared down at his shoes. With a shrug, he faked a smile and said, "Well, I hope you have fun, I'll be there, save me a dance?"

"James-" She paused, defeated, what was she supposed to do? Could things never be as they were? Why was James even being like this? She was giving him the chance to be her best friend again but he hadn't smiled at her in weeks. If he didn't want to be friends with her anymore, then why even apologize? Why come around at all? It didn't make sense.

"Yeah?"

"Nothing, I'll save you a dance."

He faked the same smile. "Well, I got to go, class and stuff… you know. Bye Heather."

She ached for him to lean down and kiss her on the cheek like he always used to but he didn't he just turned on his heels and walked in the opposite direction. This was so wrong between them. Had they ruined everything? If they had, then Heather wished that she could go back and change things, but oddly enough, even with all the heart break that stemmed from that night, she didn't regret it, not at all. Because she loved James. She really did, still did.

A fight almost breaks out at school. Heather is just around the corner when she hears the commotion and sees the crowd gather, and when she hears.

"Oh shit, its Kendall and James." Then she pushes her way through the crowd as best she can, because she is pretty tiny.

She's stuck, can't move any farther but she can hear them just fine.

"I can't believe you!" Kendall shouted.

"Fuck you, Kendall, you knew! You fucking knew!"

"And you didn't? Fuck that, you knew how I felt about her and you knew how she felt about you. You had all this time but you were a fucking pussy! Couldn't make your move, so you know what, it's too late now."

They're talking about her. It's kind of obvious and now the people around her are just kind looking down at her. She doesn't care though; she just wants to hear what they're saying. What did they mean? What did Kendall know? And was Kendall saying that James wanted to be with her and never made his move? And then it hit her that if it was true, the night of the party was him trying to make his move but he fucked it up by leaving. James could have had her, all he would have had to do was stay, be there when she woke up and tell her. I mean if she was willing to sleep with him, wouldn't that mean she'd want something more too? A relationship maybe? But James had left, hadn't come back and hadn't even called. But Heather kind of refused to believe that, James was James lady killer, why would she have been any different in his books?

She pushed her way through finally and James noticed her first, his face froze, still full of rage, directed at Kendall but his expression fell quickly and he looked away. His shoulders were slumped, he was defeated in her presence.

"Hey! Diamond, Knight, what's going on here?" Their hockey coach barged through the crowd and stood with his hands on his hips.

Neither boy answered, just stared heatedly at each other.

"Whatever the problem is, you can take it out on the ice, get you asses to class."

It took them a moment to move but Kendall came towards Heather, her eyes were locked on James though, who watched as Kendall hugged her with, for the first time she'd ever seen, sad eyes. Kendall put his arm around her waist and they began to walk away, but she looked back and James just stood there looking up at the pale gray sky.

"What was that all about?" she asked.

Kendall shook his head, obviously still pissed. "Nothing, James is just an asshole."

She nodded and looked to the ground. Heather knew he was but that didn't mean she enjoyed hearing him be called one.

She really didn't know why she was at James's house but she was ringing the doorbell before she realized what she was doing. Ms. Diamond was answering the door before she got the chance to run away and play it off like a ding-dong ditch. Besides, she'd just walked three blocks in the snow. She was freezing.

"Heather? Darling what are you doing here?"

"Hi Ms. Diamond, I just well, I wanted to see James, is he here?"

"Yes, yes of course, come in, sweetheart, it's freezing outside." The beautiful older woman let her in and shut the door behind her. "My, it's been a month or so hasn't it? Why the avoidance?"

"Just been busy lately, Ms. Diamond."

"Ah, well," she said motioning for Heather to follow her into the kitchen. She was still dressed in a pantsuit; Heather assumed she'd just gotten home, it was late, close to nine, which was a regular time for Ms. Diamond to return from the office, up at the crack of dawn and out of the house, not returning until late in the evening. James practically had free reign here. "Aren't we all?"

Heather smiled; Ms. Diamond treated her like family. She had once fantasized about actually being family, marrying James. But that was a distant memory now. Could she and James even be called friends now?

"So," Ms. Diamond said opening the refrigerator, "James tells me you're dating Kendall now?"

"Yes ma'am."

She smiled. "How is that going?"

"So far so good, we're going to the dance together," Heather replied feeling a little bit uneasy talking about her newly found love life with the woman she once pictured as her mother-in-law.

"How lovely. Personally, I never expected this. You know, mothers' we usually anticipate things like this, especially since I watched the five of your grow up, I always kind of thought that if any of them boys you would date-"

"Mom?"

"James," she said and shut the door to the fridge, "hello darling, I've just arrived home."

He kissed his mother on the cheek and glanced to Heather, she tried her best for a smile but it might've come out looking painful.

"Heather and I were just catching up, it's been quite a while since you brought her around darling, I've quite missed her presence."

James smiled sadly and said, "Yeah, I have too."

"Well then." Ms. Diamond turned to Heather. "It's been a pleasure chatting, however little of it we did, enjoy yourself with James, darling." She spun on her heel and with head held high, shoulders back and stride confident she left them alone in the kitchen.

"Hi." Heather forced once Ms. Diamond was gone.

"It's late," James said, "what are you doing here?"

Heather frowned, she didn't exactly expect a peck on the cheek and a wonderful hug but that wasn't exactly hospitable. She shrugged her shoulders.

"I wanted to see if you were all right."

"Why wouldn't I be?" James seems different, not quite bright anymore, he seems tired, defeated. Heather can't help but wonder if it's her fault. But James is so confusing, she didn't know what he wanted from her. He'd apologized, gone through the trouble of making sure they could be friends still but he hardly hung around. If he didn't want to be friends with her anymore in the first place then why bother to try and make up? And by the one in a million chance that James had liked Heather, then why would he have left the morning after? It didn't make any sense.

"You and Kendall, the argument today, I just wanted to see if you were okay. You didn't look well earlier." Heather wasn't fumbling over her words, but they weren't coming easily either.

"I'm fine."

"James," she says finally, "What is going on here? You're confusing me to no end; I don't know what your goal is."

"I don't have one."

"James, tell me, what's going on? We slept together, you left, you apologized, and I forgave you, but you avoid me like the plague. Do you not want us to be friends anymore?" She tries to sound strong when she says it, but the truth is, James is home. She wouldn't know how to handle losing him.

"Do you really forgive me?"

Heather peered down at her damp shoes, her feet felt frozen and they hurt terribly but they'd gotten her to James's house and hopefully they would get her home. What was the answer to his question? Partly no, because it hurt like hell but yes because she didn't want to lose James. She would do anything just to keep him.

"I haven't even done that yet." James goes on. "I don't know why you would."

"Why did you leave then James?"

"I don't know." He stared directly into her eyes. "How did you get here?"

She shrugged. "I walked."

James looks appalled, "it's freezing outside."

"I wanted to see you."

James took her home. She felt awkward getting back into his car when the last time she'd been in it, she'd, um, well…

He parked outside her house but she didn't want to get out yet. She was about to open the door though when James spoke up.

"Did I ruin things?" he asked, "between us, did I ruin them?"

"No," she answered softly, "just changed them."

"I really am sorry I left."

"Then why did you?"

"I was afraid." He stared down at the steering wheel, his hands gripping the wheel so tightly that his knuckles turned white. "That you would tell me it was a mistake or that you regretted it."

They'd been thinking the exact same thing but how could James not see the way she felt about him if she'd agreed to go all the way with him? She didn't just do that with anybody. Heather wasn't a slut, she had standards.

"I could never." Her voice was barely above a whisper.

"But now you're dating Kendall."

"You acted like it never happened James; I just followed your lead. Kendall happens to like me, he puts me first, it's nice to be treated like you're worth something. And after what you did, how could I refuse an offer like his?"

James didn't respond.

"I would have done anything for you James. You could have asked me for anything and I would have given it or done it for you."

"And now?"

She sits for a moment, pondering whether or not she should actually tell him the answer to that, but she can't hide the truth from James. "I would still."

James looked to her with almost pleading eyes. "I can do all those things. Everything that Kendall does, I can do them too."

Heather folds her hands and studies the dashboard. She can't look at him.

"Please don't, James." She shook her head, "things are different now."

"I can be better than him," James sounded desperate. "I can be."

"Please don't ask me this, James."

"You said you would do anything."

She opened the car door and looked to him one last time. "And you said you loved me."

He didn't get out of the car and try to explain things to her, like she kind of hoped he would. She was disappointed. If he wouldn't fight for her then why would she leave Kendall when she knew that?

The knowledge of James's feelings for her weighed heavy on Heather's shoulders. It wasn't her fault she hadn't seen them. James had hidden them from her, never even hinted at anything, all of remarks were friendly and always reminding her that it was all they were. But maybe he said it aloud as a reminder to himself of what they were. Heather really didn't want to think about him. She didn't want to think about the possibilities of them being together in the past, or even now, maybe in the future. She didn't want to look at him and feel this longing for him but she did. She couldn't help it.

Meanwhile she was supposed to be having an amazing time dating Kendall, he was great, the epitome of a perfect boyfriend, she was finding it hard to enjoy though. James's words kept ringing in her ears.

I can do all those things. Everything that Kendall does, I can do them too.

She found herself wondering if he had actually said the words.

_Leave Kendall and be with me. _

Would she have actually done it? She would do anything for James, it wasn't a lie. James was home. She still felt like she belonged with him. It was just a broken home now, though. She wanted to fix it but she didn't' know how. Either way someone would be hurt. If she told James that things should just go back to the way they were, he'd hurt. If she left Kendall to be with James, Kendall would be hurt, devastated even. She didn't know what to do but if it came down to it and the decision had to be made, she knew who she would pick. Who she couldn't stand to lose.

"So, what color dress are you thinking?" Stephanie asked as they strolled through the mall together. The two girls were on a mission to find their perfect Winter Formal dresses.

"No idea," replied Heather, she'd never really done the whole dance thing. She'd always wanted to but she'd been without a date. Plus, what fun would it be to go and watch James dance dirty all night long? She didn't understand why James never said anything to her all that time. Why he just never asked her to be his date. She would have said yes in a heartbeat.

When the night of the dance finally arrived, Heather hadn't spoken to James in two weeks. Not since the night she showed up at his house. She missed him but she hated it at the same time. He didn't really deserve to be missed.

Kendall picked her up early in the evening and her mother went over the top taking picture after picture snapping candid shots and posing them everywhere. Heather's father just watched, amusement in his eyes but a faint scowl on his face; he wasn't supposed to like his daughter's boyfriend. But Kendall was a likable guy.

When Heather finally begged her father to convince her mother that enough pictures had been taken, she and Kendall waved goodbye and rushed to the car trying to get away as quickly as possible. Heather's mom might chase them down if they didn't leave fast enough.

They went out to dinner in the next town over and Kendall looked at her like he'd never seen true beauty till this night. Her hair was done in curls, her make-up was perfect and she'd even given into her mother's constant nagging and wore contacts instead of her glasses. Her dress was a navy blue halter that fell loosely and reached just above her knees. She wore black heels that brought her up from five foot three to five foot seven and she rather enjoyed not having as much as a height difference with her boyfriend. He didn't have to lean down as far to kiss her. Kendall kept repeating the same thing over and over.

"You look so beautiful."

He looked at her with big adoring eyes and over dinner she caught him just staring at her with a contented smile on his lips. Kendall didn't look half bad either with a black suit, white button down shirt and black tie to match as well. Mrs. Knight had convinced him to wear dress shoes instead of the Converse he was originally planning on wearing. He stood tall and proud and the suit made his shoulders look broad. His hair was left in its usual fashion but there was no complaint from Heather about it, she liked his hair.

They arrived to the dance a little late because they had arrived to dinner a late as well and that was all because of Heather's mother. The school parking lot was already full by the time they got there, luckily Kendall found a spot up close because it was still freezing outside. Heather had brought her coat with her but it didn't do much for her legs. She would survive until they entered the gym at the very least. It had been totally transformed into a Winter Wonderland with fake snow all along the floor and shiny metallic stars hanging from the ceiling.

Everyone was dressed just as nicely as Kendall and Heather but Kendall proceeded to tell her she was the most beautiful girl in the room. All these compliments made her blush; she maybe even started to believe it.

They found Carlos and Stephanie easily; Carlos was dressed similar to Kendall except his tie was red to match Stephanie's dress. Logan was with them as well, his date, a girl that Heather recognized from around school but couldn't remember her name for the life of her, was at the punch bowl bringing them back drinks because she needed a break from Carlos, which was how Logan explained it.

Heather tried not to look but her eyes searched the room for James. Just one glance of him was all she needed she told herself. Just one glance, even if was from afar, just his profile, just one glance. But she couldn't see him. He said he would be there didn't he? She promised him a dance, right? Or had things escalated and become worse now? Well obviously since they hadn't spoken in a while things were worse, but James was never one to skip out on a social gathering, yet he wasn't there.

Heather and Kendall danced, slow songs, fast songs and songs that really didn't have a dance to go with them. They just smiled, danced and laughed on the dance floor surrounded by their peers, enjoying themselves. And for a while, Heather forgot about looking for James.

Until she actually saw him. He was looking directly at her, standing next to Logan and Carlos as Stephanie and Logan's date chatted. He looked so handsome, in the way only he could, looking modern and stylish but old fashioned and sophisticated all at once. His suit was pressed and neat, not a wrinkle or fold on it, and his amazing hair was combed neatly to the side, the way his mother used to do it when they were in elementary school. James looked amazing, one little curl of hair had fallen loose from the others and hung in the middle of his forehead, much like Clark Kent or Super Man.

She lied to Kendall and told him she needed to catch her breath. Seeing James had taken it away. The two made their way back to the group of friends. Heather felt Kendall tense up once he realized James was standing among them. She didn't ask Kendall but she didn't think that they had talked either.

James had his eyes locked on her, never blinking, never wavering under his gaze and Heather felt self-conscious. His hazel eyes held so much power over her, no matter how badly she wanted to deny it, James had control of her.

"Hi." She managed.

"Hi." He repeated still looking down at her, never once sparing Kendall a glance. It was rude, and James was probably making a point by it. But Kendall didn't say anything to James, he instead joined Logan and Carlos in their idle chatter.

"I didn't think you were coming-"

"You look beautiful." The words that came from his mouth had been the ones Kendall had been saying all night long but coming from James they had a different significance. Coming from James made the words real. Coming from James, the words made her heart pound so hard and so loud that she could hear it in her ears. Staring into each other's eyes, Heather felt kind of lost for a moment or so.

"Can I have this dance?" he asked just as the music for a slow song began to play. She nodded slightly, not quite sure her voice would support speaking.

He took her hand and let her out onto the dance floor. They stood inches apart and he delicately placed one of her hands on his shoulder and proceeded to wrap his arm around her waist, pulling her closer to him than she'd been when dancing with Kendall. Their bodies touched and she knew that she should put some space between them before Kendall noticed and got upset but she couldn't bring herself to do it.

"Are you here alone?" Heather asked looking up towards James, it was a bad idea. He was looking down at her, with the heels on there wasn't as much distance as there used to be and anyone would get the wrong idea but she couldn't look away now that she was locked in his eyes.

"I'm here with you," he replied just loud enough to be heard over the music.

"I meant date wise."

He smiled. "Someone already asked the girl I was going to."

Heather didn't know what to say, so she forced herself to tear her eyes from his face so that she could avoid answering. She leant her head against his shoulder; because now with the heels she was tall enough to do that, before she'd always put her head somewhere on his chest.

"I'm sorry," he whispered into her hair. Heather tensed, she didn't want to fight with him here. She didn't want to fight with him at all but depending on what he said…

"For everything. For yelling at the friend you made at the party, I was just jealous. For seducing you," Heather couldn't help but laugh when he said that.

"For leaving." He said more seriously. "For hurting you, making you think that I didn't care, making you think that I regretted being with you. Because it's one thing I will never do. I'm sorry for being so oblivious for so long and taking too long once I finally realized how I felt. I was just afraid. I'd never been rejected and I didn't know how I would handle it if you were the one to do it."

"James." She looked back at him, she felt the sting in her eyes and a lump growing in her throat, she didn't know why she was about to cry but she didn't want to, not here, not now, not in front of James, not with Kendall right there. "I never would have rejected you."

He smiled. "I know that now. But it's also too late now."

"James-"

The song ended and he let go of her. Taking a step back he smiled down at her again. James leaned forward and kissed her cheek just like he always used to.

"I do love you though."

He walked away and Kendall came towards her.

"What was that about?" He asked.

She forced a smile. "I promised him a dance a while back. Can you hold on a sec? I have to pee."

Kendall rolled his eyes with a smile. "Sure."

She made her way quickly to the bathroom, locked herself in a stall and tried not to cry. It failed. She loved James and he loved her too but what were they supposed to do now? She couldn't hurt Kendall like that, not after he'd been so wonderful to her. But she couldn't say with him when she wanted to be with someone else could she?

When she came out of the stall, her eyes were red, but not bad, and she thanked God, her mother was smart enough to buy her water proof make-up. She waited for a moment or two, trying to let some of the color drain from her face. She didn't need to go back out there to Kendall looking like she'd just finished crying. Although he'd probably be able to tell, maybe she could just meet him on the dance floor and avoid facing him.

The moment she came out of the bathroom though, Stephanie grabbed her and dragged her frantically across the floor.

"Come on, something's going on with James and Kendall. Carlos and Logan don't know what to do, you need to get out there!"

She and Stephanie ran as fast as they could in their heels outside of the gym where they were instantly freezing, but she was right, James and Kendall were shouting at each other like they'd been that day at school.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" Kendall said.

"Nothing." James replied a little more calm than Heather's boyfriend.

"James, I swear-"

"Kendall, you won! What do you want from me! Heather is with you! She wants to be with you! She chose you! I throw in the towel, congratulations!"

Kendall threw the first punch, hitting James square in the jaw. James stumbled back slightly and held his face.

"Kendall!" Heather exclaimed. He didn't look to her, still concentrated on James.

"What do you want Kendall? You won!" he yelled again.

"You're a liar, shut up!" Kendall threw another punch and James didn't do anything. He glanced to Heather, whose eyes were wide with fear, whether it was for James's wellbeing or Kendall's if James hit back, he didn't know. But with her watching, he couldn't bring himself to violence, especially not against Kendall. He wanted to hit him but he would refrain for Heather.

Kendall raised his hand to hit James again.

"Kendall stop!" Heather screamed. She couldn't watch James hurt. He looked to her like he just realized what he was doing and then they turned sad. Just then a teacher came running out.

"All of you, leave! There will be no violence on this campus tonight!"

James was the first to go. Heather wanted to go after him, make sure he was all right but her boyfriend was still standing there in the cold. She herself was freezing but she would survive.

"Kendall?"

He shrugged off his blazer and draped it over her shoulders. "Let's go."

She walked quietly with him off campus and to the car. They didn't say a word to each other for the longest time. She figured Kendall was taking her home but instead they parked in front of James's house. She saw that his black SUV was already parked in the driveway and the light in his kitchen was on. Ms. Diamond's car was not yet parked in their driveway.

"What are we doing here?" she asked.

"We're breaking up." He said quietly looking down at his hands in his lap.

"What? Why?"

"Because," he said exhaling slowly, "I'm not the one you want to be with."

"Kendall, that's not-"

"Tell me honestly. If you had the choice, who would it be? Me or him."

'"Kendall, I-"

"I know," he said, "I know that you liked him and I knew that he liked you but I just, I did too, I wanted to try and prove I was better than him. But I can see it; it's there in your eyes every time you see him. And it's okay."

"I'm sorry, Kendall."

"Don't be, you can't help it. But thank you for at least letting me try."

They sat there silently together; she didn't know what to say to him. If she told him thank you for being a good friend it would just add insult to injury.

"Thank you." Heather finally spoke.

"For what?"

"Being so wonderful." She leaned over and kissed him on the lips for the last time. He smiled at her.

"I just want to see you happy."

She was shivering standing there on James's doorstep waiting for him to answer the door. She'd given Kendall back his blazer and her coat had been left at the gym in all the commotion.

When he opened the door she didn't even wait for him to say come in, she pushed past him into the warmth and wrapped her arms around him.

He gasped loudly. "You're freezing!"

She realized that she was hugging a shirtless James.

She let go of him and he told her to wait there while he got her a sweater. So she did, she sat on his couch and took off her high heels which had been killing her feet all night long, the extra height was not worth the foot ache. He handed her the sweater and sat down on the couch besides her keeping a respectable distance. She pulled the sweater over her head, not caring if she messed up her curls.

"What are you doing here?" he finally asked.

"I need to see if you were all right." It was true. "And Kendall dropped me off."

He stared at her blankly. "Kendall dropped you off?"

She nodded.

"Why?"

"We broke up."

"Why?" he asked again, his brows furrowing.

"Because," she answered quietly, "he knew who I really wanted to be with."

"Who's that?"

"You."

Neither said a word, their eyes locked. James moved closer to her and set a warm hand on her knee. She was still freezing from the waist down; it was a nice contrast on her ice cold skin.

"Are you serious?" he asked.

"Of course I am."

"You really want to be with me?"

"I do."

"Why?"

She shrugged and said, "Because you're great. You make me smile like no one else does, you're more handsome than anyone I've ever seen before. You're my best friend, besides, you're great in bed."

James let out a loud burst of laughter and Heather couldn't help but giggle along with him. "You know," she said, "I should be asking you that question instead."

"How could I not want to be with you?" James pushed her styled hair behind her ear and out of her face. "You're beautiful, inside and out. You're funny and you've put up with me longer than anyone else has."

"I don't just put up with you. I like being with you."

"Can I kiss you?"

"Are you always going to ask?"

She smiled and shook his head.

"Shut up." He whispered as he leaned in and kissed her lips tenderly. Home. She thought, I'm home and I don't think I'll ever need another vacation. Kendall had been great, she appreciated him, she would have stayed with him for a long time if James hadn't told her he loved her. She loved Kendall in a way but James was home and she would always come back to him.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **So this is insanely long, and I didn't quite know how to end it. I hope it wasn't terrible and you enjoyed it. :]


End file.
